My collective impressions of the new controls.

Did you like the way I unveiled to you, my Gentle Reader, the polar extremes of my personality in today's blog entries?

I case you didn't catch it, I was trying to express how the traits of my personality form a dualism (you know, the yin/yang, war/peace, love/hate, good/evil, professional sports/Broadway musical thing) that truly defines the scope of my being. All of these opposing internal characteristics (like my external life) are in perpetual conflict. It is the balance of these contrasting forces that creates a normal, neuroses-free individual like myself.

Without darkness there can be no light. Whoa.

Lori and I just went to see 'Chicago', and I must say it was better than I had anticipated. Maybe this is how the stage version is written (I wouldn't know because I have never seen the play), but I really liked the way the film went back and forth between the musical sections and the non-musical dialogue parts. I don't think I would have liked it as much if it was 100% singing and dancing. All the stars they cast for the cast were cast very well and well cast. I wouldn't say it was one of my all-time top-ten favorites, but it was entertaining enough that I wouldn't puke if I had to see it again.

It's that time of the year again. The Red Sox played their first Spring Training game last night, falling to the Minnesota Twins 4-2. I actually listened to part of the game on the radio. Derek Lowe had 3 K's in 2 scoreless innings. The Sox used 8 different pitchers in their losing effort, so much for their new pitching concept of 'closing by committee'. I really shouldn't be so negative, Spring Training is all about fine-tuning. Reasonable people should keep in mind that the real games don't start until March 31st. I'll try to keep it in perspective.

NFL Free Agency starts today. The Pats need defensive lineman and a consistent running back. Sign former Dallas RB Emmitt Smith to a 1-year deal? He'd be relatively cheap...

A friend of mine, for safety's sake let's call her "Karen", works in Washington DC at an undisclosed international business thinktank. She called me yesterday with top-secret questions about ICANN (Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers) and top-level Internet domains (like .com, .org, .biz, etc). I told her I used to be pretty current on this kind of stuff and would look into it for her.

To sum up my findings, ICANN is a private California corporation created in 1998 to take over from the U.S. government the management of the Domain Name System (DNS) for the entire global Internet. The DNS is the underlying control system of the Internet, it provides order and sets standards in a decentralized cyberspace.

"Ordinary" corporations have things like shareholders and competitors. ICANN doesn't have either one because it is nonprofit and has a "unique relationship" (wink-wink) with the U.S. Department of Commerce.

So basically, with minimal accountability, the U.S. government controls the critical element of a global communication and commercial resource on which a ton of other foreign economies and societies are becoming increasingly dependent.

The current ICANN Chairman, Vint Cerf, worked from 1976-1982 with the U.S. Department of Defense's Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA). Cerf is also the co-designer of the TCP/IP protocol, the communications protocol that gave birth to the Internet and which is in common use today on a global scale.

So much for privitization and industry self-regulation. Wheels within wheels my friends, wheels within wheels.

I said she works for an Animal Doctor, not a Plant Doctor. Don't quit your day job.

Educated? No. Stupid? Yup.

My older sister just emailed me and said she just got a job working in an Animal Hospital. Good for her! Not my cup o' tea, but when I talked to her about it she was genuinely interested in working there. Now both my sisters are working. That just leaves me out of the employment loop. (Insert sympathetic weeping noises here.)

I did some more math last night while cooking a chicken: The skin on my hand + a 375 degree oven rack = blistering flesh. Watch out, Genius at work.

Cut it out, you're not dying. I watered you this morning.

Hey Charlie, chill out. Nobody likes an over-dramatic plant.

I think singing the Allman Brothers is his way of saying he didn't like being present during the UNO game Lori and I just played (I put a whuppin' on her, it was messy). Well you can relax, Lori had to go out. No more UNO today.

I changed the look of my site. I hope you like it (like you have a choice).

And by the way, my food shopping and laundry adventures earlier today were deemed a total success by all involved parties.

Today I paid a visit to the outside world. The white, cold, ice-covered snowscape I remembered had been replaced by a dingy-brown, cold, ice-covered snowscape. So much for things changing while I hunkered down in my 72 hours of solitude.

While I was out I went to go see Gods & Generals, that new Civil War flick that just opened last Friday. It was close to 4 hours long. I mean the movie had an Intermission for cryin' out loud. When's the last time you saw that?? The film, like most, had its ups and downs. But when it was good it was really good, and when it was bad I was wishing for the other side to attack and kill all the characters and end the scene it was so bad.

Tomorrow, food shopping and laundry. I bet you can't wait.

I just did some math and came to the determination that I haven't left my apartment in over 3 days. I'm prety sure the streak will end today.

The 'Great Mystery Object of Monday Morning' has been positively identified by my friendly neighborhood high-wire act maintenance man: It is a metal cover for an unused vent on my roof. It became unlatched during the tornado-esque events of last night and came crashing back to earth after a voyage on the winds of approximately 15 feet. That crazy guy climbed right out my 4th floor skylight in the kitchen and scaled the roof to re-secure the 2' x 3' piece of steel I-beam reinforced lead. Well maybe it wasn't that heavy, but it did go BUMP in the night.

Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming...

So I'm on the phone with Dave in LA last night around 11pm. I had just finished watching OZ on HBO and very much wanted to ruin the series finale for him, but alas, I resisted the urge. So we're talking computers because he wants a new one and wanted my advice. The weather outside had begun to turn a tad frightful, the temperature had dropped back into the 20s and it was starting to get pretty windy. Anyway, I'm sitting on the couch discussing the merits of Dell vs Compaq when a particularly large gust of wind begins to blow. All of a sudden, at the height of the wind's ferocity - SMASH!! WHAM!!! Then silence. My first thought was that Santa Claus just crash landed on my roof. But it's February. And I hadn't heard any sleigh bells prior to impact. Even Dave on the phone in California was like "What the hell was that?" I told Dave I'd call him tomorrow and went and found my trusty flashlight. With the hesitation as to what I was about to cast mine eyes upon growing as every second passed, I slowly stuck my head out the skylight in my kitchen to take in the scenery. Even in the bright light of this crisp winter morn I can't tell exactly what it is. It can't be a piece of the Space Shuttle, can it? Actually, I think it is a piece of the chimney. Great. This big 2' x 3' piece of brown-painted metal, maybe some type of cap for an unused chimney vent, is laying on a semi-flat part of my roof. I poked it with a mop handle and it's pretty heavy. If that thing falls off my roof it's going to dent something/somebody pretty good. I called the company that manages my building, I hope they send some agile person out here this morning to do something about this. I am hoping that no roof divots were created by this falling metal, the last thing I need is another leak in my ceiling.

Ever since Charlie did his swan-dive onto the floor last weekend he's been awful surly. I hope it's just a phase. I catch him trying to knock into me when I walk by. He tries to make it look accidental. We've also been getting into heated staring contests for no particular reason.

My Mom left me a message letting me know that as far as she knows, none of my RI relatives were involved with the fire last week at The Station in West Warwick. I was assuming that I would have heard by now if that was not the case. Unfortunately, my cousins will probably know people involved.

The Bruins ended up pulling a 4-4 tie out in today's game against the Islanders. Don "I Really Should Not Be Playing Anymore" Sweeney tied it up with just over 2 minutes left in the 3rd. Go figure.

I just caught a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror. I have my T-shirt on inside out. I wonder how long it has been like that.

I've been very unproductive this weekend. Par for the course. Lots of TV has been watched. Right now, the Bruins are currently down 3-2 to the NY Islanders after the 1st period. Also, par for the course.

Food is good. I've got a sausage, pepper, and onion thing going on right now on the stove. Maybe I should go see if it is burning.

I'm feelin' better, I went to the gym. And I sent out 5 or so resumes today. And I got invited to a super-secret surprise party for a friend of mine tomorrow night. And the snow is starting to go away because of the sunny 45 degree weather. And because it's almost the weekend. Not that the weekend really matters, it's always like a weekend to the unemployable.

I have been trying to get Lori to buy into this whole Blog idea. No deal. She says she doesn't get it, who's gonna read what she writes and why would they care? Valid points. But alas, I shall forge on for the sake of us all.

Song sung blue

Everybody knows one

Song sung blue

Every garden grows one

Me and you are subject to the blues now and then

But when you take the blues and make a song

You sing them out again

Sing them out again

I'm feelin' not-so-positive today. Maybe you could tell. I hope you don't mind the Neil Diamond thing.

Did you ever eat a whole box of macaroni & cheese for dinner? It makes you feel weird, like you ate a whole box of macaroni & cheese. That's what I get for being left home alone. Lori had to go out this evening, I get to wait for her to come back and help her dig out a parking space. I hope I am awake when she calls.

I forgot to mention that when I got back to my apartment during last Monday's snow storm that our lovable plant known as Charlie had flopped over onto the floor! Heavens to Mercatroid!

He somehow didn't knock his pot over, he was just bent over at his base, sprawled out into the middle of the room! I gently picked him up and now Charles Q Plant is supported by the table next to him. He is still quite bent, but he eventually should start pointing back up towards the skylight where he gets his fix of light energy so he can continue to convert carbon dioxide and water into glucose and oxygen. He likes it when that happens.

All my sources say that this was certain to happen someday. I guess it was Charlie's time to come of age.

Historically, I'm not a big serial TV junkie, but I can't wait for this new show called Scare Tactics premiering Friday, April 4th at 10pm on the Sci-Fi Channel. It's a hidden camera show with a sci-fi/horror movie twist. The producers set-up unsuspecting folks for realistic-looking alien abductions, bigfoot attacks, ghost sightings, etc and get all the reactions on film! It looks like they really scare the bejeezus out of people! HA!

Finally, money well spent in Hollywood.

I hope this lawsuit doesn't push back the premiere (again).

A reduction in the amount of snow outside my front door would be nice. So would a job.

I hope the Boston Bruins don't go and fire coach Robbie Ftorek. That would be a mean, mean thing.

Lori thinks that she has lost the title of "Sunshine of My Life". Such a silly girl.