:: This Goes Without Saying...Boston, MA ::

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[::.. cast of characters ..::]

AL(al) n.
Narrator of highest note.

LORI(lohr-ee) n.
The girlfriend. Slightly bratty. Arachnophobe.

CHARLIE(chahr-lee) n.
A dieffenbachia plant spawn from the great Mother Charlie in Woods Hole, MA.

[::.. archive ..::]

:: Saturday, February 28, 2004 ::

Johnny Damon. Wears #18 and plays Center Field for the local professional baseball collective. Loved by all Red Sox fans, especially the female of the species. Look at him, a clean-cut, gee-whiz, aw-shucks kind of All-American boy. Every Mother's dream.

But it seems ever since bashing heads with Damian Jackson last October while chasing a popup during Game 5 of the AL playoff against Oakland that Mr. Damon has been a little off-kilter.

Johnny showed up to Spring training in Fort Myers this year having changed his appearance just a bit. Let's see if you can pick the new-look Johnny "Unfrozen Caveman" Damon out of a lineup:

:: posted by Al on 2/28/2004 08:36:00 AM ::

:: Thursday, February 26, 2004 ::

*click on the blue text for fun surprises*

I had been meaning to get my car washed for a couple of days, so yesterday I made the effort to get it done during my lunch break.

I’ve gone to this outfit in Salem a couple of times, it’s relatively cheap and I think it does a pretty good job. So I head on over. I pay my $6.00, align my tires correctly on to the track in front of me, take my foot off the brake, disengage the gears and put it in Neutral. I’m ready to go. I feel the car start to slowly move forward in to the tunnel as the rear-wheel push conveyor system engages my left rear wheel. I exhale, sit back, and let the magic of automated car wash technology make my car clean.

I get to thinking. There’s something generally cathartic about going through a car wash; I think its power penetrates in beyond the exterior layer of my car. From the start it’s a tough journey; you have no control as you experience wet, heavy things smacking you around, blinking lights, high-pressure water jets, weird noises and general chaos going on outside the fragile shell of the car. But I embrace the solace that when I make this sacrifice, when I make the commitment to come to this place, that all the salt and dirt and grime will be absolved from my surroundings and I will emerge pure and clean as a whistle out the other end of the tunnel.

It’s an automotive baptism, all the bad stuff has been washed away, and you are born again into a new and spiritual life.

As I am pondering all of this I hear some faint yells and the conveyor system stops. The pressure on the water jets currently rinsing my car quickly reduces down to a trickle. I think to myself why are we stopping inside the tunnel?

I look in the rear view mirror just in time to see the front end of a tan-colored car casually, yet succinctly, part the long strips of cloth that hang from near the top of the tunnel and smash cruelly into my rear bumper, resulting in my car and I flying forward about 10 feet to almost the end of the tunnel.

Now my first reaction (after ‘what the @#$%’) is that this can’t be the fault of the guy behind me, the computer controlling this place must have gone haywire and told the system to shoot the car behind me out of the tunnel like it’s a fighter jet taking off from the U.S.S. Enterprise.

The carwash attendant comes walking down the tunnel, he first stops at the car behind me, they have a brief conversation, then he walks up to me. I can’t wait to hear this. To paraphrase, he tells me that the elderly woman behind me failed to comprehend the concept that this carwash had a passive conveyor system that pushes your car through the tunnel; she thought you had to drive through. Apparently at 75 mph. I stare at this guy in disbelief, he gives me back a 'I know, I can't @#$%ing believe it either' look. He heads back to his control room and starts the whole apparatus up again. I am pushed through the last couple of feet of rinse jets and exit the tunnel not so sure of my car's current status.

I pull into a parking space and so does Mrs. Mario Andretti Sr. There are a couple of scratches on my bumper; they are probably from parallel parking in Boston. Her Volvo looks fine. I think the fact that I was in Neutral prevented any damage to either of our cars. Most of the energy she introduced into my car was not absorbed by the bumper because my car was able to roll forward and dissipate all that energy. I still took all her insurance information.

So much for my monthly spiritual cleansing. More like a spiritual smack upside the head. Maybe I'll wash my car by hand next time.

Who gets into an accident when they're inside a car wash? Apparently I do.

:: posted by Al on 2/26/2004 10:42:00 AM ::

:: Wednesday, February 25, 2004 ::

An old lady hit my rear bumper with her Volvo today. I guess she thought we were in a Smash-Up Derby.

Anyone want to guess where or what situation I was in when this minor incident took place?

I'll bet you'll never ever EVER be able to guess it right.

:: posted by Al on 2/25/2004 11:55:00 AM ::

:: Tuesday, February 24, 2004 ::

I don't see why the Democrats are all in an uproar over Ralph Nader running for President, he's going to take away some liberal and moderate Republican votes from Bush. Isn't that a good thing for them, especially with the state of politics in this country today?

If people are going to vote for someone solely based on their party affiliation, all the Democrats have to do is get more registered Democrats out to the polls and it's a lock, right? If all that really matters are the Electoral College results then it doesn't matter how much you win by, right? Didn't we just go through all of this??

If the Dems stopped looking at the glass 1/2 empty they would see this, but all they cry about is the votes they say their man Kerry is going to lose. Maybe if they had a candidate that they felt deep down was worth supporting they wouldn't feel this way.

Not that the Republicans are the poster children for logical politics. What really bugs me about those a-holes in Washington is that think they are infallible and that they really don't have to answer to anyone. That is unacceptable.

Where's the outrage over Ralph from the Conservatives? Bush's popularity has clearly peaked and is currently on a downward slide. How come they don't seem to give a crap about Nader? In fact, they're gloating, they see him as a Republican ally.

I think both Democrats and Republicans should be upset about an Independent party run for the White House not because of the 3rd party candidates 'spoiler' label, but because it exposes the flaws in their own strategies for running a campaign in a country where the beasts called 'special interests' and 'partisan politics' is the real 2-headed King of the Jungle.

Given the fact that people in this country (including myself) have a hard time differentiating the politician from the issues; wouldn't you say Nader would be a breath of fresh air? If he does anything he certainly makes me step back and examine what I really, truly support. Am I guilty of supporting the candidate that the political marketing machine and special interest groups tells me I should like rather than the candidate who truly supports the issues important to me? The current system certainly does a good PR job of muddying up those waters something fierce.

I don't see Nader as the guy who can right all the wrongs, but he's a start. He opens some eyes. But the way things are going I'll probably end up raging against him as well someday. Then we'll need a 4th party.

The one thing I do know is that the Democratic Party is not going to make any friends in the city of Boston this July when they have their National Convention at the Fleet Center. Mayor Menino has given them the free pass to do pretty much anything they like which may or may not include shutting down the new I-93 tunnels in both directions due to their close proximity to the Fleet Center. Excuse me? How the HELL is anyone going to get to work for that entire week if they do that??!!

Politics is such a frustrating game.

Yeah, yeah, I know I'm a cynic, but do you have all the answers?

:: posted by Al on 2/24/2004 12:46:00 PM ::

:: Wednesday, February 18, 2004 ::

It's been a couple of days since the Yankees committed the "St. Valentine's Day Massacre of 2004".

I still don't feel very well.

My plan is to look at this upcoming MLB season from the perspective of a fan whose team will prove the old baseball adage that says, "good pitching beats good hitting".

With that in mind, I say go ahead yonder Evil Empire; load up on all the All-Star hitters you want.

Let’s see how they fare come Playoff time when you face a Sox pitching staff comprised of Pedro, Schilling, Lowe, Wakefield, and Foulke.

Maybe the top-heavy Yankees will implode on themselves trying to deal with all of those egos in the same clubhouse and not even make it into the playoffs. One can only dream.

:: posted by Al on 2/18/2004 12:33:00 PM ::

:: Tuesday, February 17, 2004 ::

It has been confirmed by 3 independent sources that my mind has in fact been lost.

:: posted by Al on 2/17/2004 04:17:00 PM ::

:: Saturday, February 14, 2004 ::

This story just came out today; if this deal goes down I'm gonna lose my freakin' mind:

NEW YORK -- The Yankees are said to be in serious discussions with the Rangers to acquire Alex Rodriguez and move him to third base, where he'd play alongside shortstop Derek Jeter.

Newsday, the 600,000-plus circulation newspaper on suburban Long Island, N.Y., reported in its Saturday editions that A-Rod is desperate to get out of Texas and would be willing to switch positions to get to New York.

The American League champions began preliminary discussions with the Texas Rangers this week on a deal that would bring A-Rod to the Bronx for second baseman Alfonso Soriano, a high-ranking baseball official said Saturday.

New York wants Texas to pick up part of the money Rodriguez is owed and wants A-Rod to make concessions, one of the sources said.

Rodriguez, who was born in New York, lives in Florida. He was disappointed when the New York Mets failed to pursue him when he became a free agent after the 2000 season.

If the deal is made, Enrique Wilson, Miguel Cairo and Erick Almonte would be among the candidates to play second base for the Yankees.

:: posted by Al on 2/14/2004 03:44:00 PM ::

:: Saturday, February 07, 2004 ::

Against all odds, I was able to score some Red Sox tickets online this morning.

On Friday August 27th, 3 of my luckiest friends will join me at the Red Sox vs Detroit Tigers game at 7:05pm.

They were predicting that every home game at Fenway for the entire 2004 season would be sold out by noon today.

Man, we sure have short memories here in Boston.

:: posted by Al on 2/07/2004 02:32:00 PM ::

A map that shows all the states I've been to, they amount to 64% of the USA. Maybe Colorado doesn't really count, my only visit was a layover in the Denver airport in 1999:

Create your own visited states map by clicking here

:: posted by Al on 2/07/2004 11:53:00 AM ::

:: Friday, February 06, 2004 ::

Speed of lightning, roar of thunder,
Fighting all who rob or plunder -

How come they don't make cartoons like "Underdog" anymore?

"Look, up in the sky", "it's a bird", "it's a plane", "it's a frog!", "a frog?"

:: posted by Al on 2/06/2004 02:32:00 PM ::

:: Tuesday, February 03, 2004 ::

"Build Adam Vinatieri a church, for he is now a god. "

-comment left on Boston.com fan message board

:: posted by Al on 2/03/2004 03:58:00 PM ::

:: Monday, February 02, 2004 ::


New Hampshire's littlest Tom Brady fan
(in the jersey I bought her for Christmas, by the way)

:: posted by Al on 2/02/2004 03:43:00 PM ::

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