My collective impressions of the new controls.

159 games played.
3 games left.
All 3 games are against the Yankees.
At Fenway Park.

AL EAST
-NY Yankees (94-65)
-Boston (93-66) 1 game back

WILD CARD
-Boston (93-66)
-Cleveland(93-66)


If the Red Sox win just 1 of the 3 remaining games they’re out of the A.L. East race entirely. The Sox can still get in to the playoffs as the Wild Card depending how the Indians-White Sox series goes this weekend.

If the Sox win 2 of the 3 remaining games there will be a one-game playoff between The Red Sox and Yankees in New York on Monday to decide the A.L. East race.

If the Sox win all 3 then they will win the A.L. East and the Yankees’ fate will hang with the Indians-White Sox series.

Dear Ben Roethlisberger,

After losing (again) to Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots you have now qualified for membership in a not-so-exclusive club of NFL players and coaches: Bill Belichick’s Bitches (BBB). Membership has its privileges. Just ask your coach Bill Cowher, he’s been a member for quite some time.

At BBB, members learn by speaking to private groups and working with other members in a supportive environment. A typical BBB club is made up of 20 to 30 people who meet once a week to try and deal with the fact that Bill Belichick is in their head. Meetings usually begin with a short introduction session which helps members learn basic game loss procedures.

Each meeting gives everyone an opportunity to practice:

Excuse Generation and Delivery. Each member will field questions during one-to two-minute impromptu post-game Press Conferences which are then evaluated and critiqued by their peers.

Losing Well. Three or more members present speeches based on projects from the BBB Communication and Leadership Program manuals. Projects cover such topics as: How to hold back tears, blood pressure management, frustration release, and how to sound genuine when uttering clichés and total bullshit.

Upon joining BBB, each new member receives access to a variety of resources on getting beaten by Bill Belichick. These include playbooks as well as video of past and present Bill Belichick NFL beat-downs. They also receive the award-winning BBB monthly magazine that offers the latest insights on losing gracefully and acceptance of being OWNED.

Congratulations and welcome to the club.

Yours truly,

Peyton Manning
BBB President

-Red Sox vs. Oakland tonight and tomorrow
-Boston College vs. Florida State tonight
-Patriots vs. Carolina tomorrow

Good thing I'm not painting our living room until Monday.

Today I read in one of the Boston newspapers that QB Tom "The Saint" Brady was spotted hitting on Mary-Kate Olsen at a bar in NYC over the weekend. The article goes on to say that earlier this month Tom was seen hanging out with Lindsay Lohan and Ashley Simpson.

Dude. Tom. Listen up:

You better CHECK yourself before you WRECK yourself.

I forgot to mention that I and couple other believers went on a pseudo-pilgrimage down Cape last weekend to South Yarmouth, MA.

You see, many moons ago I, and several of my friends (including Dave and Karen who joined me on this quest), spent our summers during high school and college working at a restaurant in Falmouth, MA called (pause) The Pancake Man. Laugh if you must, but the place was an institution. And not the mental type. Well, I guess that point is debatable.

In my heyday I was the big cheese, the head honcho, the top dog, the Head Cook at the finest pancake establishment in all of the Upper Cape region. (Again, laugh if you must.)

And just to set the record straight, we were open for dinner as well and served steaks, lobsters, fish, etc, just like real restaurants do. And we were in NO WAY associated with those fraudulent IHOP hacks.

Anyway, when we all worked there in the late 80s and early 90s there were in fact 2 Pancake Man's on Cape Cod, both owned by the same guy. One was in Falmouth and one was in South Yarmouth. In the late 80s the owner kept the restaurant in Falmouth and sold off the other one. The one in Falmouth closed in 1993 (Now it's a "99". Oh, the humanity) but the one in South Yarmouth survives to this day.

So we walk in the front door last Saturday and it's like we got in the Way-Back Machine and set the dial to "Summer 1990". It was $*%@ing SCARY.

Obviously the 2 restaurants had been designed and decorated at the same time (in the 1960s) because everything looked like I remembered it. Same layout, same chairs, same stupid light fixtures. Even the smell was the same.

To make a long, dumb story short, the pancakes tasted the same and there was much rejoicing.

Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt.
Literally.
It was $18.

What a rip-off.

My friends Jen & Alex got married last Saturday down on the Cape, congratulations!

Jen's sister Liberty was the one who actually did the official marrying part. She allowed unknown "powers" to be vested in her by the Commonwealth of Massachusetts in order to do so. Pretty snazzy.

For the reception, a big tent was setup in Jen & Lib's parents back yard, right on Vineyard Sound in the shadow of Nobska lighthouse. Again, pretty snazzy. And the weather was kick-ass too.

I got to see a bunch of people that I don't run into very often anymore, which was nice. Getting a large group of friends together in close proximity to an open bar is always a recipe for a good time.

At one point, after catching up on what everyone is up to (and the usual blah blah blah that goes with that sort of thing), a horde, nay, an angry mob of people cornered me and demanded to know why I had let my once vivacious, exuberant blog site fall into such disrepair! These people had me cornered and they wanted answers:


"I used to routinely check it every morning but eventually, your hurtful disregard for daily updates drove me away..."

"What happened to Charlie the Plant? You didn't kill him did you?"

"Why are their no pictures of me on your blog? I mean come on. I'm cute, I'm single, I've been training for this marathon for 2 months now and my ass has never looked so good!"

"Your blog really sucks. It has no soul anymore. Hey, get me a beer while you're up."


That last one hurt. No soul?

I kept telling everyone that it's my stupid job, I actually have to work when I'm at this particular place of employment, not like my last one where I was free to do whatever I wanted to all the live long day.

Nobody was buying what I had to sell.

All I can say is that I will try.
(Yeah, I know: "Do or do not. There is no try." Pipe down, Yoda)

I met Tommy Tutone last night at the Lowell Spinners game (Single A Red Sox minor league affiliate).

Actually, Tommy Tutone is the name of a 4-man group, and the guy I met was the lead singer, Tommy Heath.

I know, right now you're saying to yourself: "That Al is so cool". Right?